yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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