Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
