Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
