nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
