On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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