If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
