booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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