I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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