I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
