he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
