New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
