We need to rekindle our bromance
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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