I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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