I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
