You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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