I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
