Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
