oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
