Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
