wrigley field is MILF paradise
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
