Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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