I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
