brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
