You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
