Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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