get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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