Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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