I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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