sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
