I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
