i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
In America we eat man semen.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
