Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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