It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's the barista slut.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
