I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
