peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
