Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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