Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
