so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
