she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
