he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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