my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
