Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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