everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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