Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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