Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
