He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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