At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
