Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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