I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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