I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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