I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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