So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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