I think I am morally bankrupt
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
