I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
