I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
