I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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