I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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