You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
