Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dicks are not precious.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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