She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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