My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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