I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
