I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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