you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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