when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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