I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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