My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
