alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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