i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
