Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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