She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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