If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
