We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
