he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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