All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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