This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
