i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
