The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
