i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
