Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
