Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
