Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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