I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
