thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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