im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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