I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is it because I queefed?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
