just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
